Posted on 15 May 2010 by Mr. JCRP
Image and Thumbnail courtesy: Audigy
While on a long winding journey to Mumbai from Ahmedabad, a man dressed in pure white sat next to me & we started talking. As the conversation progressed, we exchanged pleasantries about India, its cultural variations, people, their habits & some trivia.
After a while, the bus halted for dinner. Soon afterwards, the bus was about to begin it journey, & at the same time I noticed that the gentleman is not yet back. I saw him standing at the tea stall, but couldn’t call him out as I’d never enquired his name. Luckily, he saw the bus moving and ran to board the bus.
“Good that you saw the bus moving, I was about to request the driver to stop” I said. “& I couldn’t call you because, I didn’t know your name”, I added.
“You never asked”, he said.
“Sorry…”
“Thank God, if I had missed the bus, I would have missed the shoot tomorrow”
“Are you an actor by profession?”
“No, am made to act”
“Where?”, my curiosity knew no bounds.
“Everywhere in life from shooting to being shot”
“Have you shot too?” I couldn’t contain my excitement
“Yes, hundreds of them”
“You sound as if you shot some people” I joked
“You guessed right” his eyes conveyed a very different message. His reddish eyes looked serious & deep.
There was a muted silence between us till he broke it.
“I meant a reality show”
“Wow!” I exclaimed ending it with a “Where?”
“It’s titled, “Kasab ki Gasab kahani” on Taara TV
A chill ran down my spine and I asked. So will you be meeting Kasab?
“Ha ha” He laughed ingloriously, & added, “By the way I forgot to introduce myself. I am Kasab”.
A thundering silence followed, reverberating in the tympanum for a few minutes, freezing my senses.
He continued.
“You know me as the person who shot dead a few hundred at CST station 10 years back. I was sentenced to be hung till death by the court…”
“I read in the newspapers then…& you were released subsequently isn’t?”
“Yes. I moved courts and finally the Supreme Court commuted my sentence to life imprisonment”
Why did they commute it?
“As you know, they sentenced me to death and kept me in the VIP AC room for two more years. Without even informing the date of being hung, I was kept on tenterhooks. The main cause of worry was my health as am not used to such VIP conditions. I often got a cold, cough and also mild fever frequently. Once, furious to the core, I said, if I die before being killed, you will be responsible. The Supreme Court was worried and commuted”
But then how did you get released? I had a quill of questions behind me.
“That is a joke. Once, a lady came to visit the jail and I told her about how mosquitoes bite me in the jail. Also, I added that these mosquitoes might transfer diseases like corruption, red-tape-ism, frauds, scams etc, since there are Indian politicians next door. Luckily, she turned out to be the President, & as she was not aware of what had happened in CST on that fateful day, ordered my immediate release”
“Hmmm… she is just a dummy” My opinions were also voiced, “But I read that you were rearrested”
“Yes. Yes. That was the funniest incident in my successful career as a terrorist. Osama uncle told one of my distant cousins to get a plane for his grand-daughter to play.”
“Who? Osama Sin-laden? “
“Who else will have an apt name? Let me continue… “He was more excited now. “As was the family’s custom, my youngest cousin stole one of the Indian Airlines flight while it crossed our own green-land (read Pakistan). Osama uncle got angry…”
“But why angry?” I interrupted
“Arey baba. Once earlier, while working in the US, my cousin paid him a visit. As busy as he was with his research on crackers and mines, Osama uncle purchased some flights and gave it to my cousin to play. He invited a few friends, who were as ignorant as he was, & they tried flying it, ending up crashing into all those tall buildings in US. Finally uncle was blamed for killing people of the twin tower, peeling off the paint at pentagon & even after a decade, he was cursed for initiating a movie called ‘My name is Can” by one Karan Joker & Rukhrukh Khan. Nevertheless, forget it. But Osama Uncle was innocent and told them that he will rebuild the twin tower with actual rocks from Afgan and that he will repaint Pentagon. No one heard & uncle migrated to his 45th wife’s house in Karachi, the same house where the Indian Airlines was kept”
“But you were released on that ransom is what we got to know….” My curiosity forced me to interrupt.
“Let me finish beta. After this incident, uncle pacified the children telling that he is returning this toy and will instead get them Indian MIG’s, which always fell here and there, putting the blame on the pilots.”
“But why MIGs?”
“Honestly, he had good intentions. He wanted to save the remaining Indian pilots and hence he thought of getting those for his grandchildren”
“So thoughtful of him” I sighed & nodded in agreement.
“Yeah and now they accuse Sin-laden uncle of trying to gain access to Indian defence secrets with the rusty MIG”
“What a pity Kasab!, really, earth is not a good place for good people” I said during the moment’s mood. “& what about you?”
“Ohhh yes. Meanwhile my cousin called up Moania aunty in Delhi, & her son Rafool attended”
“Rahool it is.” I corrected
“All are the same. With a head filled with mud, he did not understand anything. Our cousin bluffed that Rahool’s childhood friend from Italy is in the hijacked flight and will be killed if am not released. Poor boy! He immediately called, Onemohan uncle, the PM. I was released faster than the bullets I fired”
“Oh. But why did you not leave India after that?”
He continued, “First few months, I couldn’t as I was mobbed by the Indian media. Even the policemen couldn’t break through the crowd. But now am happy, I survive only because of the Indian Media”
“Now, what did they do?”
“Almost all of the TV channels, Radio, News channels, Regional channels, Newspapers, Billboards, Advertisers etc wanted exclusive interviews, photo shoots & I found an opportunity”
“Oh. I’m liking it. Tell me more about how you did it” I went on in full adrenalin
“I kept a manager, booked slots for the exclusives and started charging them on a minute to minute basis. Indian channels got me a living. Some channels like Indiablah TV, Parson Tak etc couldn’t get my interviews. They made their own stories and found a look alike to be interviewed. I sued them and finally settled it out of court”
“Wow, you are hyper intelligent Kasab”
“I must thank this country, which though tried to harass me did it only in AC rooms, invested crores to save me, though I killed a hundred. I’m indebted to the channels, which gave me so much money, that I left terrorism which became non-profitable. Not only that, I have told all my other Pakistani terrorist friends to leave the path of violence & somehow infiltrate to Delhi, get interviewed by the channels, tell them adventurous stories of Jihadi valour, taught in Pakistani madrasas”
“Wow, which are the channels that helped your TRPs?” I asked technical only to prove that am also from the proud media background.
“TRP? You mean Tere Rehem Pe?” Kasab looked confused
“Sorry. I meant Ratings!”
“Channels include national & local. Programs were more important, like “Kasab jaisa koi nahi”, “Kal ka samaachaar aaj hee”, “Kasab se” etc… By the way, am having a few Bollywood offers too…”
“Bhaarat Mata ki, Jai” I said proudly.
“Indiablah TV ki jai” Kasab cried out loud with tears swelling his eyes.
“What will you do with so much money?”, I asked
“I am planning to buy & stay at the CST railway station”
“Station? Why not a flat” I was surprised
“Has your Aampaani brothers left anything in Mumbai for others to purchase?”
“That is also right. Sorry Kasab.”
We reached our destination by then, where BIG BOSS was waiting to embrace. Afzal Guru got down from another car after an interview for ‘Readlines Today’.
I checked the calendar in my Nokia Paperphone. May 20th, 2020. A decade had passed since the judge sentenced Kasab to be hung till death. Yes, with a lot of loopholes, one in the rope itself…… !
